My mother told me that for years. I didn’t question it until shortly before she died.

“Mom, what do you mean by that?  Dad took great care of you.”

My mother told me that when she left Ireland for America at age 18, her father told her – “Delia, take care of yourself because no one else will.’

Mom explained to me that while my father did take great care of her, it was her responsibility, first and foremost to take care of herself. 

• Speak up for herself
• Make sure that her needs were being met
• Honor her commitments to herself
• Practice her version of self-care

Many of my clients are at a crossroads in their relationships. They share all of their frustrations and their anger about what their partner is or isn’t doing.  Many are putting all of their expectations in life onto their partner.  When they expect their partner to do it all for them, they have lost their power. Do it for yourself – first and foremost.

• Use your voice and make requests
• Take responsibility for getting your needs met
• Practice kind and positive self-talk
• Be your biggest cheerleader

After you do this for yourself, now you can enjoy your partner. 

And not place unspoken or unrealistic needs onto them.

So the question is – are you taking care of yourself?

We all have Surface Feelings and then we have the FEELINGS Beneath the Feelings.⁠

Some Surface Feelings are – ⁠

➡️ Anxiety⁠

➡️ Worry⁠

➡️ Overwhelm⁠

These feelings are familiar and acceptable.⁠

They don’t scare us.⁠

⁠

Some FEELINGS Beneath the Feelings are – ⁠

➡️ Shame⁠

➡️ Fear⁠

➡️ Vulnerability⁠

These feelings can be frightening.⁠

Most of us prefer to keep them hidden.⁠

⁠

Recently I noticed myself trying to avoid them.⁠

I kept myself busy and this was fueled by low level anxiety. ⁠

I wondered why I was carrying this anxiety. I got curious. ????⁠

I dropped into the FEELING Beneath the Feeling.⁠

It was SHAME.⁠

Shame that I was not further along financially. ⁠

This shame began when I started to listen to others my age describing their 401K’s, their pensions, and their real estate holdings and I began to compare myself to them. ⁠

I told myself that I didn’t measure up. ⁠

⁠

When I dropped into what was beneath the anxiety and found shame then I was able to question it.⁠

❓Am I really behind my peers? What does that even mean?⁠

❓What are the facts?⁠

❓What do I have? What do I need?⁠

❓Why am I choosing to believe any of this?⁠

⁠

After I took the time to sit with my shame and examine the thoughts that were fueling it, I realized that it wasn’t even true. ⁠

That is the power of uncovering the FEELINGS Beneath the Feelings.⁠

⁠

Bring them out of the darkness and into the light. ☀️⁠

In the light, they are less scary that you think.⁠

They lose their power.⁠

For me, I was able to relax into the belief that I am right where I need to be and that I have everything that I need.⁠

And that low level of anxiety – it disappeared. ⁠????⁠

Wishful thinking won’t help you reach your goal.
 
Daily practice will.
           
✅  Practice being the person who exercises daily.
✅  Practice being the person who doesn’t snack.
✅  Practice being the person who makes sleep a priority.
✅  Practice being the person who cooks healthy meals.
✅  Practice being the person who meditates daily.
✅  Practice being the person who reads daily.
 
Practice being the person who…until you become THAT PERSON.
 

YOU ARE EITHER PRACTICING YOUR CURRENT SELF
OR YOUR FUTURE SELF.

 
YOU decide.
 
As you begin this new month, notice what you are practicing.

When I ask my clients to create a Big Goal, many play it safe. 

They come up with a reasonable goal – one that they should be able to achieve.

“Why not go higher? Dream bigger?”

“Because I might not get there.” “I will feel disappointed.”

Yes, you might not but then again you might.

And more importantly, as you strive for that Big Goal, the most important part is WHO you become along the way.

Stretching yourself to the point of being uncomfortable helps us grow more quickly.

And along the way, we learn so much. 

Playing it safe keeps us playing small.

Set goals that make you feel uncomfortable.

This year my goal has been to double my business and it makes me feel really queasy.

That is Perfect! 

Can’t wait to see what I learn along the way!

What about you? 

Challenge yourself to the point of being Uncomfortable.

Here are my girls today – strong, wise, independent women.

They didn’t get here by default but by DESIGN.

I decided INTENTIONALLY what messages I wanted to pass down to them not just by my words but even more so by my actions. 

• They could have thought that it was normal to blame others for their hurt feelings.
• They could have thought that it was normal to accept bad behavior from a partner and not speak up.
• They could have thought that it was normal to eat what everyone else was eating.
• They could think that it is normal to spend their time trying to get validation from others.

Or they could have thought the OPPOSITE.

My girls are living a big, beautiful life and embracing all of it. 

The 50/50 of life. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. The highs and the lows. 

And building RESILIENCE all along the way. 

What beliefs and behaviors are you teaching your children are normal? 

As Mary Oliver said – “You have one wild and precious life. What do you want to do with it?”

What do you want your children to believe about their one wild and precious life?